This is a very rough example and the diagrams are very much in note form, so may not make much sense to anyone who wasn't part of the discussion. However this should show the process more clearly.
There had been an incident between a student and a teacher, when the student had refused to do something the whole class had been asked to do. He then refused to do the task when the teacher specifically asked him to do it, which led to the student losing his temper, verbally abusing the teacher and storming out.
The student was first asked to write down his thoughts about the incident.
This diagram identified that the student didn't want to do the task because he knew he would fail at it, and didn't want to look stupid in front of the other students. It also brought out that the student had actually wanted to annoy the teacher, who he felt didn't like him. He acknowledged that he had been very sarcastic in how he had spoken to the teacher.
The student was then asked to draw a bubble diagram to show what the teacher might have been feeling. This is a useful task in itself as it helps the student develop empathy.
Thus the student identified that his actions may have made the teacher angry, and that all the teacher really wanted was to get on with the lesson. The student said the teacher could see that he wouldn't do as he was told but felt he should have known that he couldn't do it. However, the student then acknowledged that the teacher probably didn't know he couldn't do it as he hadn't told him.
After discussing the two diagrams, we then drew a double bubble diagram. In the centre were areas that both the student and the teacher had in common (for example, both feeling angry) and also possible solutions. Around the outside were differences, that either had to be resolved or worked around.
From this came some ways forward:
- The student could talk to the teacher about why he didn't want to do the task.
- In similar situations in the future, the student could think about why the teacher was insisting on something being done, and behave differently - keep himself calm and try to talk to the teacher quietly, away from other students.
- The student had seen that the problem wasn't just about the task, but about his own feelings about what the teacher felt about him as an individual - however he now had an idea about why the teacher had behaved as he did, and this could help de-personalise any future confrontations.
- With the permission of the student, the diagrams could be discussed with the teacher so the teacher had a clearer idea about why the student behaved as he did.